When I first arrived at the school, back in August, I expected the seventh grade to be difficult. But not this difficult.

I soon realized, however, that seventh grade’s only purpose was to remind kids that the world is a painful and unforgiving place. By October, I had no life. In sixth grade, you receive quite a bit of homework, however it is nothing compared to the overpowering, staggering, immense, colossal, mammoth, monumental, gargantuan, elephantine, jumbo, astronomical, king- sized buttload of busywork designed to ruin your life.

There’s a lot of homework.

The four most important things I learned in seventh grade are:
a) No matter how hard you try, something will go wrong. Your job is to just keep that to a minimum.
b) The stairs by the sixth grade wing are out to break your ankles. Avoid them at all costs.
c) Trust no one.
d) Teachers are not humans.

As the year comes to a close, I rejoice. My advice to next year’s seventh graders? Everything is evil. Trust no one. Make sure to leave enough (all) of your time to do homework.

Have fun!

Fire-breathing death griffins from hell are annoying. Whose idea was it to set those things free? As much as I love animals, I don’t love them enough to become a griffin’s meal. Especially not a fire- breathing death griffin from hell. I hate them. Regular griffins are bad enough.

Anyway, there I was, running for my life, shouting, praying, what you would expect in that scenario. Have you ever stopped to consider how much property damage there is in a griffin attack? I didn’t, but you can’t blame me. I was preoccupied.

Right. Sorry. Off topic.

Griffins.

Running away.

I began to think. Running was great, but it only bought me time. I might as well use that time. I needed something that could hurt the griffins. Something that a fire- breathing death griffin from hell would want to avoid. How about water? Only one problem: how to bring the griffins in contact with the water.

I would love to tell you that I cleverly found a way to trick the griffins to come near me, then quickly and expertly doused them with gallons and gallons of water. It’s not true though. The truth is, a sudden gust of wind blew them off course and they got tangled in a tree. All of them. Over a lake. All I had to do was find an axe and chop the tree down. Easiest monster fight ever. Hardly even deserves a story.